Accident Report

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "arrogant traffic lights" 
as the cause of my accident.  You asked for a fuller explanation and I 
trust the following details will be sufficient.

  I set off on my way to the accountancy office where I work at 7:45AM. I 
took a slight detour because the breakfast news had reported heavy road works 
along my usual route. After driving for several minutes I came to a set of 
traffic lights and stopped, the lights were red. After approximately 15 
seconds I began to get, rather unusually for me, impatient. Without warning, 
I commenced a 10 second barrage of horn blaring and headlight flashing, 
coupled with shouts of blue language. 
  I then retuned my radio from the driviling crap of radio 3 to a rock station 
and wound down all the windows. 
  With the lights still red after more then half a minute, obviously faulty,
I turned right into the road at right angles to my own. With verbal abuse 
spewing from my lips and the distraction of Queen`s "Bohemian Rhapsody" at 
full volume, my driving was probably not to its usual high standard and 
consequently the resulting collisions with numerous other vehicles may 
have been, partly, my fault.
  Having been indicating left since my arrival at the aforementioned traffic
lights, the middle-aged man in the blue car behind me had incorrectly 
assumed I was intending to turn left and had pulled up along side me in 
the lane to my right.
  As I accelerated to the right, my tail hit this blue car which spun me round
so I lay sideways across the carriage way. The vehicles travelling in both
directions, should have been alert in seeing my intentions,and so should have 
slowed to a stop. They didn`t. At the sight of a rapidly approaching 
dustbin lorry, I instantly reversed, and managed to escape the lorry, but 
inadvertently grazed a parked car. (The young lady who had been in the 
passenger seat of the stationary Volkswagen later died of her injuries.)
  This was not the the end of my ordeal, however, for the car behind the 
dustbin lorry had swerved to avoid it, after it suddenly braked when I 
pulled away in front of it. It missed the lorry by inches and then smashed 
into my Volvo with such force that the driver, a black man with glasses, 
had his upper torso severed and catupulted through the windscreen while his 
legs remained in the driving seat. Luckily, I was unharmed except for 
bruised ribs. A passer-by, a post-graduate at Cardiff University, 
stopped to help and continued to administer first-aid to the disabled nigger, 
as he led in the road, until he was stopped by a blow to the head from my crow 
bar which I conveniently had under my seat. I was still swearing and beating
seven bells out of the wrecked cars around me with my crow bar, when the 
police arrived and shot me with a drug gun, the type they use to sedate 
elephants in zoos.     

The doctor has since changed my medication.